15 Things You Will Never Do

 

  1. paint with all the colours of the wind
  2. date a manatee
  3. dance the Lindy Hop in an alternate universe where everything is two dimensional
  4. beat me in an eating contest
  5. eat me in an eating contest
  6. ride Bea Arthur like a horse
  7. question your belief in astrology after you emigrate to Mars, where the stars are in different positions
  8. have sexual relations with the second law of thermodynamics
  9. have a rancor as a pet
  10. fully comprehend the meaning of a David Lynch film
  11. divulge all your quirks, anxieties and sexual perversions to someone you’re interested in on the first date
  12. get over your mortality
  13. get over your morality
  14. be sincere and genuine in every single social interaction over the course of your life
  15. Beyoncé

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